The story of a hug...

I recently read a short article about the benefits of hugs (touch) and babies... and just how it impacts the brain and development of the child.
The post was shared in a group about early childhood education as a reaction to the fact that some settings are writing no-hug policies.
And while I think physical contact is incredibly important to the well-being and development of each child, I also think we cannot just go round hugging every child as a pedagogical plan to develop their brains... we need to think about consent.
As a person who does not like hugging all that much, and also the mother of children where hugging/touch is not something they are keen on outside of the family I think we have to be aware of how we reach out to others.

As an early years educator I have learned to hug and touch to me the needs of the children... it has come out of empathy and an intellectual place. I have a huge respect for children who do not want to be touched and will wait for a signal, or will gently test to see if a hand on an arm, or holding a hand is what they need... sometimes it is just about sitting next to them... that is contact enough.

A hug or touch is a sensory experience. And if you are a person that is easily sensory overloaded then it can be difficult to appreciate the intentions of the hugger as all you focus on is the overload sensory experience and how to deal with that.

I have worked with children that have needed a firm hand rather than a light touch - the firmness was a better feel than the light touch which triggered a kind of discomfort - some children love to be tickled... others experience it as pain. I worked with one child that would stim a lot when very excited... hands waving so much she was unable to eat her apple, but if I applied pressure to her back in an up and down movement she was able to release the joy through me and focus on her apple. The moment I stopped was the instance the stimming started. I have no problem with stimming, but it was getting in the way of her eating her apple with the other children, and this small gesture enable her to be included in the group activity.

I think what it boils down to is love.
Jools Page has researched and written about Professional Love which I have written about on numerous occasions on my blog over the years. This is such an essential part of working with people.
Not just young children... but all people.
I think if we are coming from a place of professional love then we are going to be incorporating consent too, it is about showing care for the whole child/person and being aware of their emotional needs... understanding when a hug and when touch are essential to enabling the child to develop and reach their own potential, and also understand what form of touch is the most supportive and caring and respectful in the situation.

Today I read about children (albeit older ones) receiving electric shocks in a school in Massachusetts as part of their education... to condition them... and from what I can gather it is clear that the shocks are not being used in a therapeutic way but more as a way of control and punishment.  Professional love should be something that is used throughout the education system.
We see the lengths teachers go to protect their children in USA and the awful mass-shootings in schools... it is clear that professional love happens... but maybe it should become more official.

If you explore what the word love means you will see there is great diversity in its definitions... but essentially it involves caring for, or identifying with another. Also as I explored love I cam across the chinese word REN... Confucius never apparently completely defined it, because of its diversity... but it kind of comes back to love, humanity and interactions with others. Which is what we want for our children in schools... and this can mean touch and hugs.

There is the science (neuroscience) to back up the effects of touch - there is research about the catastrophic effects of when children do not get the physical contact that they need... (see links below)...

we need to ensure we are meeting the needs of the WHOLE child.

other links for further reading
Tracey Seed - Cuddling
Not touching - likened to child abuse
På svenska - in Swedish... research projects about touch in preschools - necessary or bad?
No touching kids policies is good for teachers - not quite the text I was expecting to read... as it seems to be written by a person who does not like being touched, but still important to read.
Losing Touch - how teachers are afraid to have physical contact with children in their care.
What the lack of affection can do to you
The Influence of touch on child development
The human touch: a neglected feeling - the importance of touch throughout life
Touching Empathy - that lack of physical touch can actually kill babies...

The story of a mother of a child with autism/ADHD

I am mad... so frustrated... so sad... so disheartened...

schools do not seem to be doing what they are supposed to be doing... learning is not for all...

the fact that we are STILL struggling to make my son's schooling situation work... that they STILL do not tell us about changes before they are made so that we can adequately prepare him, and then send messages home about how we, as parents, need to teach my son how to behave at school... I mean how many times, how many years, do we need to tell them that without adequate preparation he is not going to react well... I mean why blame us when they are making the mistake... we work out butts off to try and make it work... communicate changes at home so they know... which they ignore.

I have kept him off school on days when he is not able to manage anymore
and for the first time I have just kept him off school because i am so damn angry with the school's complete lack of collaboration to make it work... I mean if we collaborate then its going to be good for my son and the other children... but if the only focus is to make it good for the other children, and not collaborating with us... then we are never going to get anywhere...

and I care about the other children too... its just all the focus cannot be about fixing my son for the sake of them...

"an effective school" we keep getting told... "my masters - my research" we keep getting told... but effective for whom? Not my son that is for sure... is that research being used for my child and others with autism and ADHD - it doesn't seem the case... despite being told that the teachers do not have the competence to teach my son, not once have they been sent on competence training in this area...
despite me telling them that he learns through his interests - not once have they adjusted lessons - it's the same crap in a different room despite the school authority being clear in its documents that children with autism learn often best through their interests... and that training is essential... they are not even following the documents they should...

Since sweden has made the decision to make attending school a LEGAL REQUIREMENT - then this country needs to ensure that there are schools for EVERYONE - for all learning styles, for all abilities, for all interests - there needs to be educators that understand, trained and are given the time to be flexible to allow children outside the "learning norm" the chance to learn... I mean really learn... not just try to learn how to learn like the norm... that is NOT real learning. Sure to be aware of the many learning styles... but not to have to learn a specific learning style to get the grades...

OH I am so mad...
and after months of being ignored by this new head who runs an "effective" school... finally they have agreed to a meeting, that I said was acute - needed to happen this week or the day after returning from the Easter break, since they have changed his timetable for the third time within 2 weeks without letting us know beforehand, they changed his class without letting us know first, they changed the routines that he is to spend part of his days in a small group with others (and this they have changed twice in the last week, as to how often, and given me two names as to what it is called)... - The idea is that after the easter break we can start afresh... but oh no... we have to wait a week or two after the easter break before we can have that meeting... so of course probably meaning two weeks of a timetable that might get changed again... but the first date we were given did not work for us, as we meet the psychologists then... and a new date has STILL not been given...

Do we change schools AGAIN?

The school for children like my sonl is full... we have been turned down 3 years in a row now..

Please Sweden I am begging you... there needs to be more options so that there is a school that all children WANT to go to... not places I send my child against his will to do stuff in a way that is not meaningful... 

what about the rights of children? Doesn't he have the right to say NO, I don't learn like this...

the sad fact is that my child is seen as a problem... he is not loved, he is not valued... and they have made it certainly clear that he is not being REALLY listened to (they barely listen to us) - he cannot learn because he learns through play and exploration and that is not an option as a soon to be 14 year old in a Swedish school.

And on a side note: the fact that I have the masters in education, but that I have to give my husband the information and prep him before a meeting is just ridiculous... why doesn't society value my education as a woman? Why does it have to be delivered by my husband?

Equality has come a fair way... but there is still a long way to go...

Being a bad parent

This is just a quick post about how it feels like I am being a bad parent... it always has done... because I have "that child" is one of my three children.

"That child" who is clearly not always well liked by teachers because he does not behave the way children are expected to behave in school (mostly because he is protesting the fact that he cannot learn the way they teach in the only way he can in a state of over sensory panic)

Until he was almost three I had a calm and content child... so I assumed I had lucked out on having three amazing children... his older twin sisters were/are model school students... they work hard, they know how to say the right things, they are polite and considerate...

Then, suddenly it was like someone flipped a switch - and this child before me seemed to be at war with the world is it did not perform they way he liked it.

Every day when I picked him up from preschool I heard about the things he had not done, the problems he had caused... and I would meet these comments with efforts of trying to do a better job so that they would not be repeated... of course his behaviour in the preschool/school is completely out of my control and power... but it still made me feel like a bad mother... this child of mine was causing problems...
I remember in his final year of preschool when his new teacher said something positive about him... I actually cried... in fact I am tearing up right now... it was so overwhelming to constantly hear negative things about your child that the positive words just made me a ball of emotions...

I also remember getting an angry email from a mother of a child a few years later accusing my son of being mean to her daughter and teasing her. He was calling her fat. Now I knew at the time that my son could say things as they were without adding any value to them... ie that fat was not a negative but simply an observation... for some reason society has place a negative value of fat - so that it has become an insult.
When I asked my son about it he told me that she was fat... (I knew the girl was overweight too) but that he had noticed that when he said that to her she would leave him (he did not notice that she became sad) - the problem had been that she would come and disturb him all the time because he was an English speaker and this fascinated her... and she would follow him all the time and would not leave hi alone when he repeatedly asked her to leave. But she did when he said "you're fat". He used it as a last resort tool to get rid of her, not as a phrase to tease her.
The long angry and abusive letter I got was of the kind that makes you feel like a bad mother... and I had to count to a hundred before answering that one... but I did pointing out the facts of the case, that I would talk to my son about how he was making her feel, but that she also needed to talk to her daughter about not harassing my son - I got no reply from her.

I have to frequently let my son know that certain words and certain phrases might be considered insulting by others - and he is surprised just about every time... sometimes I really need to convince him that the phrase is not appropriate, that even if HE thinks the sentence is not insulting he has to consider how others listening will perceive him.

As he gets older he gets better at this. As we have practiced with more phrases... but it is still an almost weekly event about what can/should be said... from a socially acceptable point of view

Today he came home from school and said (for the first time in many many years... and the tears are coming to my eyes again) that the other children in the class like him.

THEN there is all the stuff about being a good parents and giving your child freedom and letting them decide themselves how much screen time they get and when they go to bed and all of that...

I simply cannot do that... despite the fact that I talk about a democratic classroom and children making decisions... my children's well-being will always come first. There are decisions that I have to make, decisions that are not popular with my son because it means he cannot access screen time like he wants to... which would probably be ALL the time. I need to manage that for him... but as he gets older I see him being more capable of being able to make these decisions for himself... but my child with autism/ADHD is in many ways like a toddler... he might be almost 14 but in some instances his social and emotional reactions are like a toddler... and his decision making skills have been there too.
As he matures he will get more power in the decision making department... based on his ability and his well-being.

Working with toddlers and young children there are many things they want to do, that you know as an adult are not good for them... and that you have to make that unpopular decision so that you know you are working with your child's long term well-being and not being happy for the moment.

I see that he is going to be capable of doing all of this himself... but what maybe the average 11 might be able to manage about screen time management is something my son still struggles with at almost 14... but is getting there. I want him to develop a self regulation so that when he is an adult and I am not there to help him with regulation he will be able to have a balanced life, that he is able to have control over when he plays on screens rather than the screens compelling him to play like an addiction.

There was a time when my son got so aggressive when he played... or more correctly when he finished playing (to eat, to spend time with family, to have a bath, to go outside) that he made family life pretty miserable for everyone... himself included... because all the time he was trying to work out how to get back onto a screen, how to ensure he got more time than his sisters (as they shared) etc etc. So we rationed the time - gave him 10 hours a week that he could decide how he spent those 10 hours - so that somedays after 2 days there was no time left... and he got on with building lego, drawing and doing other stuff... he got the chance to re-discover the non screen things in his room.
Once he had made this rediscovery - in a way was rehabilitated - he gets more freedom... personally I would love to take his smartphone from him, as he is on a screen so so much more than what I would like...
BUT at the same time I see him using the screen to socialise with others... I see how he is great at negotiating, planning, leading in games and extremely generous... and I see this is slowly seeping into real life... he has always been generous, kind and loving... but in the school environment he is often too overwhelmed to be able to show these skills - so far to frequently he has been seen as the opposite.

BUT every now and again I just HAVE to put my foot down and get him off the screen and to do something else... there has to be a variety in his life... not just screen play and learning... but a hundred languages... and its hard to be using all those hundred languages if you are constantly being the language of a screen.

Then there is the whole outdoor bit... and how good parents take their children outside, and that nature is good for them... and how children feel at ease and better outside...
This is not always the case... it is a uphill battle to get my son outside - despite his love of frogs and other creatures... he is not at peace out there... he is literally whining every step of the way when we have gone for nature walks... to the point where as a parent you are literally screaming inside. There have been times where I have had to just walk off and let my husband take over for a while, as my patience has come to an end...
I see other parents taking out their children and having a fabulous time in nature, or museums or other activities... all impossible things for me and my son (but fully possible with my daughters... so we have had to do things where as a family we have had to split up to meet all their needs).

Internet is great... you get access to so much support and so much research... but at the same time it can make you feel like a bad parent because you simply cannot do the simplest of parenting things.

my son, not understanding why he cannot paddle in the freezing fast flowing river

Making waves...

Since returning to Sweden I have been thinking even more deeply about the work I am doing in Palestine. Sure it is about making changes - it is about the children - and about offering insights in alternative ways to interact with the learning child.

I believe that children are natural learners - and that my work is to support them in their learning journey. My job is not to teach them, to fill them with knowledge and to test what they remember, but to help them discover and understand the world around them... to be the person they want to be, to accept others and to reach their potential. I want them to work out how to learn everything they need to be able to pursue their dreams professionally and personally.

This version of the learning child is what I am bringing to Palestine.

What I have observed in my three visits is that there is a level of violence occurring in the education system that I feel hinders true learning.
This violence is something that the teachers have raised themselves... both in reflections of their own childhood and education, and also in their concern as the children hit each other.

Here are some quotes from my VERY first session with this group when exploring the good and the bad about their own education  (what helped them to learn and did not help them to learn)

 I didn't like the violence or the verbal abuse from the teachers...

didn't like class and teacher... the teacher had longs nails and pinched cheeks to punish – had to be quiet and not move or say anything

children got zero for misbehaving during an exam

My daughter is afraid to read and write... because of afraid of getting it wrong and being punished by the teacher...

Some are punished until they bleed.

This makes me feel sick to the stomach - the idea of using such punishment for children trying to learn is beyond my comprehension. But I have been determined to keep open and not to have judgement. This is a different culture... if I come with a tidal wave of change then this change will be met with resistance - defence walls put up to protect and explain... but if I come with understanding and the openness to listen to where these teachers are RIGHT NOW then maybe with small ripples we can make a lasting change together.

It is not just about me coming and making change... it is not me that is making the change... it is these women. These educators who have been raised by teachers who abuse... that is the version of teaching they have, which also means their version of the child is very different too.

These women need to make ripples of change if they are to support the parents in this process too... raising a child is the school and the home working together. Therefore there has to be an understanding of these processes.

During my last session with these educators the question of how to deal with all the children fighting with each other was raised. I felt like I had built a strong enough relationship with these women to point out that I had observed adults hitting children to correct them... and that I had also seen 4 -6 year olds hitting toddlers to "correct" them... not so much correcting them as what I saw was not so much a thing of right and wrong, but more an issue that the toddlers had not done what the older child wanted them to do... and really this is how children view adult behaviour... they get told off, or in this case hit if they do not do what the adult wants them to do... the child does not have the insight that this punishment is to help them learn between right and wrong, or to keep them safe.

I would say that every educator in the room used corporal punishment in varying degrees... they were very keen to explain that the hit did not hurt... and most of the hits I saw were light taps rather than violent smacks. We discussed what could be done instead... which is a big move, as in a dialogue during November with another educator from Sweden their response to physical punishment was "this is the only way".

They then asked me if I had ever hit a child.

I could honestly answer no... and then turned to my 16 year old daughter who was with me, and asked if I had ever hit her... to which she shook her head.

But I went on to say that I have felt the immense frustration of not having any more patience and my body wanting to lash out to stop the frustrating situation... but with singing I kept that under control... I sang a lot when my three children were all under 5... at first I thought I was singing to calm them down, but I realised that really, I was singing to calm myself down.

Later I went with one of the teachers into town together with her child... there was a moment where her child did not behave "correctly" as we were crossing a road... I saw the mothers arm go up to strike the child, then saw her take a deep breath, put her arm down, look at me and then say... "I didn't hit"... and the child self corrected without the need for being hit. It was a powerful moment.

From my Swedish perspective... a country that was first in the world to make hitting children illegal... this form of punishment is like child abuse.

BUT here to counter the story... to give it perspective...

When I told these teachers that Swedish preschools were open from 6:30 in the morning until 6:30 in the evening (although not all preschools need to be open for this length of time... only as long as parents needs are met... and children drop in between opening until 9:30am and then get picked up most often between 3pm and closing time)...

When they heard this they all sighed in amazement and comments about child abuse were made... for them not allowing children to be in their homes and with their families was equivalent to child abuse - for them such long days was abuse... that the children had to stay in the preschool environment instead of their homes.

This is something that pops up from time to time here in Sweden... but usually educators who talk about a child's right to be in their home are quickly silenced by the "we shouldn't make parents feel guilty by having to work" retort.

Which really isn't being a voice for the child... but merely an ointment to ease the minds of parents.

Many children thrive in preschool, many children would thrive better with shorter days, there are those children who would thrive better if they started later than1 years old. Some children fare better in preschool because their home environment is not the caring place it should be - and for these children preschool is a lifeline... but we should not offer preschool on the premise that children do not fare well at home.... most children having caring, loving parents that are providing a safe home for them to grow up in.

What I have noticed in my 24 years of working with preschools and schools here in Sweden is that there has been a shift... many parents suddenly now seem to feel they have to ask for permission to take their child out of preschool to spend family time with each other... and of course there is this thing that even when parents are at home with a younger sibling that, here in Stockholm, children can attend for 6 hours a day, which has just gone up to 12 hours a day (if they want). Where is society's belief in the family home? Also there is much research saying that children do not need more than 3 hours a day to improve their learning and social outcomes... the rest of Sweden offers 3 hours a day for children with younger siblings at home.

Maybe we should trust children when they show a need to be at home... where there are less children to interact with... as a mother of a child with autism/ADHD and another child in the process of getting a probable diagnosis being forced into this massive social interactions at a young age with the sensory overload that that entails and without being given toolkits to deal with that... then I have an understanding of these Palestinian women who were shocked a the long days... I was lucky enough to work part time when the children were small... and when I return to work in autumn I will most probably return to part time work again... putting family first - but as I said, I am lucky that we can afford that... but we DO manage our finances so that we can afford it.

So what ripples of change can these Palestinian educators make here in Stockholm when they visit? Because I doubt there are few in Sweden who would consider long days in preschool as child abuse... but this is exactly how these teachers reacted when they heard about the long days Swedish preschoolers (and school children... as the go to fritids, after school activity club) have here in Stockholm. These women did not see smacking gently their children as abuse... in the way that many people here in Sweden would see it...

So we have much to learn from each other... to see and hear the voice of the child.

Parents, schools and dreams... (Palestine 12)

This morning I held a presentation for parents...

For education to evolve, no matter where you are in the world, parents need to be involved.
This is so the case here in Jenin.
The participants on the course have told me how it is not easy to implement a play approach to learning because parental expectation of education requires them to show completed worksheets and homework... even for the young children... and school teachers are expecting kindergarten children to be learning to read and write before they start school.

My focus with the parents was about being physically and emotionally ready to read and write... to build up motor strength in arms, and hands and the whole body to enable the child to sit down and focus and write, and how through play this can be done. About the need to self regulate, the need to be able to truly listen... to understand and not just hear... so that learning in school can happen... if a child is still learning how to self regulate in school then there will be less energy for learning "lessons" is a child does not have the body strength to sit, most energy will be wasted on trying to sit rather than on the "lessons". AND that children before the age of 8 do not learn in the same way as we do when we are older...

This is something I will be going into more later with the participants too... as this coming week we will be talking about brain research, and various development areas... as well as learning more about observing and documenting learning through play.


After this presentation I visited a women's centre in the middle of the refugee camp... where i could see some women being trained in making jewellery - a way for them to earn money... and also children being taken care of... a sort of out of school care... the blocks were taken out (since it is one of the course participants that works here) and we played together with the children... we built and talked and explored different ways of building... it became clear how the children inspired each other in their constructions and how children tried and tried again to make things work, trying different approaches until they succeeded. The participant and I talked about what we had seen, the learning we had observed as we walked back to The Freedom Theatre.

After lunch I went to see the teacher training centre and the kindergarten that will open there next month... large grand building on the outskirt of Jenin. It appears to be somewhat like a lab school.. with observation rooms for the trainee teachers to watch and observe children learning.

This is a very exciting move for Jenin to have its own training centre... until now there has not been one... hence the desire for The Freedom Theatre to start such a training.

I also met here another member of the ministry of education, the man who is responsible for the schools, including special needs children. So we talked about this to some extent too... how children with special needs can be included in the education system.

It truly feels wonderful to start this collaboration with Jenin's Ministry of Education and to exchange ideas about learning, and how The Freedom Theatre has started something special in Jenin that is so relevant to the direction the ministry of education is taking - learning through play.

Collaboration. Communication. Creativity. Critical thinking.
Four very important "C's" for education around the world.

playing with the children (face free image, not the best construction image)

the newly built teacher training facility and kindergarten.

Today I have not included the photos I would have liked to... as I don't have the time to process them... I like to keep faces out of images I share out of respect for the children's integrity. Images of my own children's faces I share... I have talked about this with my children... we talk about the consequences of sharing images, what kind of images I share and why. Being older, they have a better understanding of the consequences (my own children at 16, 16 and my 12 yr old will be turning 13 in April - yes I have twins!).

Learning with autism...

I am sat writing here, as my son tries to fall asleep... as usual I am right outside his room, although tonight he is in my bed... he is slightly more stressed than usual as tomorrow he will be spending the entire morning with his "normal" class.

"Normal class" I wonder exactly what that is... for the last 14 months my son has not been able to attend his "normal class" and has instead been in a special classroom with just 1 or two other children also unable to learn in a "normal class".

This time last year we were picking up the pieces after a horrendous autumn term where things had spiralled downwards far too speedily. My son (who will turn 12 at the end of this month... also autism awareness month) lost all faith in himself, deemed himself worthless and did not see the point in living let alone being in school... a whole term went to restore faith in the school system and himself...
Maybe this was not the best of things looking back in retrospect... he got into the routine of doing next to nothing... and now is finding it hard to do anything.... when it comes to school work that is.

It HAS to be meaningful. He must be interested.

And to be honest sometimes I do feel like pulling my hair out... because he is his own worst enemy.
He is that child that makes his teachers exhausted.
He is also that child that makes easy pickings for others... I mean they know he will react, so it becomes a sport.

He is very creative... but is also very addicted to computer games and screen time... when we let him have free range he would spend all his time in front of a screen, or devising how he could be in front of a screen. He would be grumpy, sometimes angry. He found it hard to find anything else to do.

We then started a 10 hour a week screen time (excluded at the family film time on Fridays, and weekend morning TV when he gets up early and he can chill out on the sofa with children's programmes until the rest of the family get up). Quite often his screen time is over by Wednesday (we have a planner, where he decides how he is going to use his hours over the week.... and he can change max one hour during the week (as before he would want to change his time all the time and then had nothing by the end of the week... by planning his week, and sticking to it, he learns more about self regulation... ). The great thing about restricting his time (but he still choooses when he uses this time) is that then he can concentrate on other play when he is finished instead of trying to work out how he can continue playing online/onscreen.

This results in wonderful lego constructions for example... which then spills over into blogposts...
He makes space in his room to set up the photoshoot, he takes the images himself, he edits them himself using picmonkey, he then loads them up onto his blog (which he shares with me here on blogger - so that all comments drop by my e-mail and I can make sure that he only receives positive feedback, or at least constructive feedback)... he then writes about his constructions.
I come in at the end and support the spelling a bit... enough to allow everyone to understand, but not too much to take away from his own personal learning charm... I mean there are capital letters popping up everywhere... he loves them... he loves the way is you put lots of TTTTTTTTTT s together it looks like a bridge.
Maths was also a part of the blog... as he added up the total powers of his lego dragons... suddenly school subjects are meaningful, useful and he has interest.

He never wants to do anything that he thinks he might fail at... despite the fact that I work hard as a person, as a mother and as a teacher that we need to dare to fail...

This is, in fact one of his sisters - a VERY long time ago. Falling falling falling off until she mastered it... and the falling was fun some of the time, frustrating other times...

But daring to fail is so essential... and so much learning is prevented by this fear. It is something we will continue to work on with my son... to learn to dare.

Today he sat down and wrote three blogposts... they tend to come rather sporadically - but I feel equally excited every time. Hoping that he will get into the routine of writing... that will allow him to write a little more each time.

He LOVES comments... and he will answer every one of them...
so if you have a little extra time... why not pop over to his blog, check it out... maybe even with children that you work with, or your children at home... and leave a comment, start up a dialogue... and know that you will be helping the learning journey of a child with autism/ADHD that is struggling with school.

Green King Dragon
Bone Dragon
Robot Dragon

and now we know...

For the last six month we have been in the middle of an inquiry to learn more about my son, and why school is not a natural learning place for him...

Today we met up with the social worker and psychologist to hear their official decision as to his diagnosis... as it became clear fast that there would be one...

My son has been diagnosed with ADHD/autism - this diagnosis now opens up a whole toolbox of help that we can turn to in order to be better parents - and also to equip him with the right tools to get through school. We have the opportunity to turn to both the ADHD Centre and the Autism Centre... we also have the opportunity to apply for financial support if this is necassary to help my son... for example I have just reduced my hours at work to be able to be with him more... full time was adding too much stress, as the long days were exhausting him...

For children like my son... it is not just the learning that can be tiring, but having to work hard to be like the accepted norm... THAT is the most exhausting... the lack of flexibility in school to meet his learning needs and interests... not necessarily the fault of individual schools but a general "the way schools are" problem.

I feel that if my son can get through school he will thrive in real life, because he will find what he enjoys and he will excel at that. I believe in his competency. I have less belief in the competency of the school system to meet the individual needs of the children that HAVE to move through first grade to ninth. Homeschooling is illegal in Sweden... that is not an option.

I believe in his teachers... I see them, I talk with them... I see that they really see my son... and that they like him and care about him... but they also work in a system that doesn't allow them the flexibility to teach and meet the individual needs as they wish...

At the moment I have a strange sort of calmness.
I have known this since he was 2 years old... this EXACT diagnosis. And have been told again and again by preschool teachers and teachers that all is fine, it's just a phase... there is nothing wrong... and yet I received little positive feedback about his days... there was always the moaning about his transitions and his not following instructions and his interactions with other... so as a preschool teacher myself.. I knew what all this meant (I could see him at home too) - and yet when I asked should we take this further, they backed down - no no, its just a phase he is perfectly normal...
(yes he is normal, and there is nothing wrong with him... but it was so obvious he needed more support and more positive feedback than what he was getting).
NOW, after seven years, despite the sadness that life/school is going to be a bit trickier for him, I feel happy that the school system will now have to take me seriously. I had to get these four pages of official writing that sit in front of me right now. Now it is just to see if it will make a difference. I know his teachers will continue to do an amazing job... I just hope that these teachers will get the support they need to meet my son's needs, and those of other children in his class.

But this calmness... it's a bit strange.

But now Michael is asking lots of questions... what is ADHD... what is autism... why me... is there medicine that can take it away and make me better...????????????????

We talk. We watch films. We talk more.
We watched a film during the week on ADHD... where he turned around and told me that I was a good mother, as he could see the frustration on the parents in the film
.....and I was in disbelief how non-pedagogical they were... so it was good for me, too, to watch ... that maybe I am getting things right... with so much opposition/defiance it does make me feel like a bad mother at times (many times) especially with the wonderful parenting advice of Janet Lansbury because my reality is so far from wonderful all the time, its so far from calm all the time, and to be honest at times I wonder how I still have hair!!! But the film made me realise that I am calmer than I thought I was (because I am not calm inside), that I am saying much kinder words and choosing them more carefully (even though it all feels heat of the moment) that I am much more patient than I thought I was (even though it's something I feel I want a shipload more of)...
Of course, having access to centres that can shed more light on his ADHD and autism is going to help... both with how to deal with him and also how to deal with my emotions about my parenting... as well as support for his sisters... after all he is not the only one living with ADHD/autism - we all are... and the films have helped him to understand that... well when he is capable/ in the mood for understanding at least...

He is an amazing soon-to-be-10-year-old with an eye for detail, an amazing imagination and a wonderful intact childishness which I hope he never loses... as it is truly magical. It let's you believe in things that others deem impossible... a valuable asset to have at times!
I remind him every day that I love him, and that even if  I don't always like the things he does, I will always LOVE him, I will always be on his side, even if he does not feel like I am. Because I am fighting for what is best for him and not for what makes him happy now.

OK, I am going to stop... the strange calmness is lifting... the emotions are starting to rush in.....

Mothers of the world...

Leigh Ann Yuen from Garden Gate Early Childhood Development Center said, in response to my anger about how the evaluation of my son is progressing,  that "Truly it is the mothers of the world who will make a difference and make change."

It made me think back to the 1940's to when the Reggio Emilia preschools first started -  coming together with the hope that their children would never just accept but would have the strength to think and make their own decisions, as they salvaged tanks and other remnants of the Second World War to create and fund preschools "a demanding task - not for the lack of determination but rather a lack of experience. We were breaking traditional patterns" (p.51 The Hundred Languages of Children 2nd edition)


I rather like my own personal links with the whole Reggio Emilia philosophy...
my grandfather had started the war in northern Africa and had worked his way up Italy, being in the middle of some horrendous battles - Monte Cassino for one. BUT as the war ended he was marching on his way to Austria to be debriefed (and to meet my grandmother - but that is another story) and on his way he marched through Reggio Emilia and saw the women, and others, rummaging for bricks and washing them to create the first preschools.

The first municipal preschool was called Robinson in 1963 - this is the year that my parents met - and Robinson Crusoe, Defoe's hero comes from York - as do I.

Silly little connections in life - but sometimes these connections feel like a circle completed somehow. 

IF the mothers of Reggio Emilia could initiate preschools that have had such influence over how we think about children and respond to them just by daring to start something DIFFERENT then maybe its time for mothers to come together again and ensure that children are getting the education the NEED rather than the education that has been.

explorations on the light table - art, science, nature, mathematics...

Society is forever evolving - and there will be those that will say "the good old days" and there will be those that will look back and shudder. 

I look back at what has been said over the years about pedagogy and get so frustrated because we seem to know what children need but never actually seem to get round to providing it...

from the book "Early Childhood Education - History, Philosophy and Experience" by Nutbrown, Clough and Selbie - here are some ideas over the centuries showing that how Malaguzzi viewed the child was not new in itself - but the fact it was happening - and over a sustained perios of time WAS/IS...

Socrates 469-399BC - teaching through the learners questions, the importance of philosophy and of talking with others about life's questions (why I like working at a preschool with a philosophical profile) QUOTE "Wisdom begins in wonder"

Comenius 1592-1670 - He believed that teachers should understand how a child's mind works and promoted education that was "thorough, natural and enjoyable" and opposed to rote learning for all children regardless of gender or class


Pestalozzi 1746-1827 children should learn through activity, through things rather than words, and be free to pursue their own interests and draw their own conclusions

learning about insects

Fröbel - 1782-1852 - started a business for play and other educational materials to simulate learning through well directed play activities accomanied by song and music

Mason 1842-1923 - promoted the use of senses in learning and learning through experience and the outdoors

Dewey - 1859-1952 - a pedagogy based on ideas of democracy and child-centredness and what became known as the "project method" where teachers and children worked on ideas and found solutions to questions together. Dewey promoted ideas of child-centred education, of activity and interaction, of education as part of the social world of children and their communities. QUOTE "I believe that education ... is a process of living, not a prepapration for fututre living" (Dewey 1897)

Macmillan sisters 1860 - 1931 - learning and the outdoors

Steiner 1861-1925 - education is an art - creative, progressive, social and individual. QUOTE "the child has fantasy, and this fantasy is what we must engage"

Montessori 1870-52 - observed that learning happened through repetition, concentration, imagination, and that learners need to be independant in their actions while making their own decisions about what "work" they should do and learning how to control their own actions.

learning about sea creatures in rock pools

Isaacs 1885-1948 - individual development and joy in discovery. She argued that children need a subtle balance between explorative freedom and emotional expression and the need for mild , yet firm, supporting control to protect them from their inner anxieties and agressive impulses.

Schiller 1895-1976 - child-centred teaching and advocated the arts.

Vygotsky 1896 -1934 - learning as a social exchange, that young children learn through interaction with other children and adults.

Piaget 1896-1980 - learning as a process which evolves as the result of children interacting with the environment

learning about the sucking reflex of calves

Erikson 1902-1994 - his work supports the development of programmes in ECE which foster positive self esteem and exploratory learning through play

Tanner 1904-1988 - believed that is was essential for teachers and children to study natural things and that the arts and crafts, music and poetry should be central to primary education.

11 month old and face to face with crimson rosellas in the Dandenongs

David Hawkins 1913-2002 -  drew from his work at the Mountain View Center for his influential 1973 book, The Informed Vision.  Here, he presented theories, such as “I, Thou, It,” “Eolithism,” and “Messing About” that attracted attention internationally.  Loris Malaguzzi, architect of the world-renowned schools for young children in Reggio Emilia, Italy, deemed The Informed Vision essential reading for all teachers.
I am going to be doing some posts about my interpretation of Hawkins during these last weeks of 2013. And I will be focussing on "The Informed Vision".

So really, what is happening in education? For centuries we seem to have been saying the same thing that children need to learn through play, interaction, with joy and with interest. And yet they continue to sit behind desks and be forced to be treated like empty vessels that need to be filled. The system seems to continually forget that children are not empy - they are filled with wonder and ideas that they need support to explore and learn... why not harness that power?

Mothers of the world - is it not time we stood together and demanded that our children receieve the opportunity to LEARN and not to be force fed an education?
We have enough research over the years to back up our demand we just need to all shout out together to be heard!

Angry...

I am positively fuming about the meeting we had at BUP (Barn och Ungdoms Psykiatriker - Child and Youth Psychiatrists) as I felt it was so wrong - I was so unprepared and angry with myself for letting it happen.

Today was the day we met the doctor - its not been that easy meeting the pyschiatrist, but Michael has managed - but going to the doctor was more nerve-wracking for him as he REALLY does not like doctors. I had been told that he would be meeting with the doctor so she could do a few tests - blood-pressure, height, weight and balance and motor skills... what I was NOT prepared for - either myself or for Michael's sake was that we would be sitting and talking ABOUT Michael's difficulties in front of him.

Of course this was boring but also completely out of line. Working at preschool we know we do not talk about the children in front of them - we talk with them. So here I was sitting in the "expert's" room watching my son shrink smaller and smaller - which I pointed out to the doctor and then sugar coated and focused on his skills... but I feel so disappointed with myself for not saying "no, I won't talk about my son in front of him"...

There is this trust in the "experts" that they know what they are doing - as preschool teachers we are told over and over again that we are not experts and that we should not express any opinions about diagnosis - which has kind of elevated their status - and of course this feels very scary now when they have done this - why on earth would they want his negative history from his whole life while he is there listening? Is there a real valid point for him listening to all of that?

AND there was also the talk about coming back to find out about medication... errm - sorry... WHAT?
NO NO NO!
My son will not be medicated - there is NOTHING wrong with my child - BUT there is something wrong with the school system that does not allow all children to learn the way they need and instead force them into an accepted language of learning...
I mean what is the point with working in a preschool to encourage the child to discover their hundred languages if when they get to school they just slap a gag on all those wonderous languages...
Why bother make these children competent learners when they get to school they are being instructed and not trusted in their learning. Why bother support learning based on the child's individual development of the whole child, when they get to school they all need to be the same and sit behind desks.
If we are supporting children to take any shape they want to be in preschool what is the point of sending them to a school that wants to create squares... and what about the children who no matter how hard they try they just cannot make themselves fit that square cookie-cutter, what abut the children who CAN fit themselves in that cookie-cutter but feel absolutely terrible being there, what about the children who just fall through...?

I am doing all of this for/with Michael not because I want to change HIM - but because I want to have the right to try and influence the system - for his sake - and the sake of others... I want a school that is more flexible and sees the gifts of each child rather than viewing the child as silly putty that they need to mould and knead into a shape THEY want.
Why are we in preschool scaffolding children to build their own learning - only to have it knocked down and rebuilt for them in school...?

Its why I won't work in a school - because I think teachers don't get the chance to help each child learn they way they know is right for the child and group - but have to follow a path chosen for them - and even though they can tweak it - it is not the same as being able to create it specifically for the class you are working with...

If you are wondering what I am writing about - read this post... where I talk from the heart about my son...